Conversation with the Monster under the bed.

My dear Friends,

It so cold in this here part of Florider where my mother is, I hide under the bed, and even the Monster that does live there snuggle up to me to keep warm up.  Not that I can offer much body warmth, me being so small in size. You can tell how desperate for heat Monster was.

Anyway, all this closeness lead to cameraderie, and the next thing you know, me and Monster had a long and hearty discussion about climate.

I say, "Boy, this C ain't for Celcius. It is C&^U@*S*S."

Monster ask, "But what about when the weather gets hot?"

I say, "Then it is x degrees Charming. Anything below 23 is C&^U@*S*S."

Monster ask, "What do you think about the COP26 talks?"

I turn me nose up so high, I hit me head on the bed-bottom (it is a low bed we was hiding under). Monster try to console me and rub me injured head. I had to pretend to calm down real fast at that. Imagine that hand on you' head. If I did only stay upset, Monster woulda continue trying to calm me.

"Them men at COP26 is like a pack o' sweet man," I blurt out.

Monster give me a hard cut-eye...what they call "side eye" in the US. I start to shiver, wondering if Monster was getting ideas about me. 

The silence hang heavy for minutes, 'til Monster bust out, "What do you mean by sweet man? How can you call those mealy-mouthed, mincing, malingering garumphs sweet men?"

"Sweet man. Them is a pack o' sweet man," I correct Monster. "In Proper Creolese, we don't reeeeally do plural. The word before does tell you if it is one, or one more than one."

"You mean more than one," Monster say.

Shees. What a nitpicking creature. "Whatever! A sweet man is the man who does come to a woman with plenty lies. Ow dahling, how you can believe I got another woman? Babes, me sweet sapodilla-gyal, give me a li'l chuuups, a li'l kiss, nah? Look at this pretty necklace I bring for you. And the woman does believe. And all this time, the sweet man got 2, 3 woman...women...plus wife."

"Yes!! Yes!!" Monster shout-out with great excitement. "I know those sweet men! I've heard them whilst hiding under beds all over the world."

"So why you never bite they ankles, eh? Why you just stick under beds, scaring innocent women and children?"

A pause. Then out o' the blues, Monster start one weeping and wailing. Place so cold, the eye water pouring from Monster turn to ice. 

I couldn't take this nonsense anymore. I speed out from me hiding place and dive under me damp, cold blanket, which is what I shoulda do in the very first place. Y'see? That is how illogical this cold weather make me. 

I trying to dress warm and think warm thoughts. Look FIVE THINGS (idea I borrow from Joey) that cheering me.

Hat, a gift from my sister.
Scrunchie, bought from a pavement vendor in my lovely, native land.

Cousin Lis gave me these recently.

Sunlight in my mother's bedroom, in her home before she moved here.

Sunlight in my room last week.

My 10 yr. old nephew wore these twice, outgrew them.
Now, they're mine, and my feet ain't growing, thank goodness.

I got to go and cook lunch now, Friends. Stay warm and dry, and eat hearty. Plenty love, neena xx.