Bathroom News.

My Dear Friends,

Good morning from De Home Front.

Weather warming up nice-nice, like civilised people.

Speaking of people...ever notice how some people can stay ten hours in de baat'room? What they got that is so dirty, to bathe so long? How much dirt a body can have if they ain't a farmer, any kinda outdoor worker?

T'ree (3) people in my fam'ily is very guilty. I ain't calling names. One nephew does read newspaper cartoons. Another nephew does have he phone-radio on; whenever I pass by outside, I do a li'l jig to them tinny-tinny songs blaring out. 

Then there is one brother who does sing Rolling Stones at the top o' he lungs. To this day, I can't see a red door without thinking that somebody, counting colours and dreaming about brown sugar, want to paint the door black.

Another Person...oh, that is four in all...she who name I ain't calling but we know she as Mummy...say that she does take long 'cause she old and slow. Well, that mean she been old and slow from the day I born.

Anyway, the baat'room news. 

Every week, I scrub the baat'room shine like glass, step outside to admire it. But, this week, I decide that scrubbing take up too much precious time. I could be writing instead. The only solution to keep it clean is to not use it.

"Don't use de baat'room," I announce to Mummy.

"What I must use then?" she ask.

"De hose in de garden to bathe. And dig a hole for de toilet!"

Speaking of holes. Last night, I poke the baat'room snake down the sink hole.

I don't know if you know about the baat'room snake, Dear Friends.

It is the most wonderfullous invention in The Whole Wide World. Better than sliced bread. The only thing it ain't better than is the Internet, but it sure come close to.

The Baat'room Snake (which deserve capital letters to the name, come to think of it) is a flat, long, tough plastic strip with jagged edges. 

Last night, I shuuve it down the pipe of the sink.

My Dear Friends!

If y'all see what I haul out like treasures from the deep blue!

All the things that Mauby Dick ever did swaller. Y'know Mauby Dick, that whale that Ahab the Arab been hunting? Funny how they name the whale Mauby Dick. Mauby is a delicious bitter-sweet drink from my lovely native land. 

Anyway, I got two skeletons dripping with confusion and conspiracy; a ship, dark with age and algae; and hanging on the the jagged edges of the Snake was all the muck and chaos and pandemonium of the east and west.

Ohhhhh, Me Dear Friends.

If y'all only know how I quiver with delight when the sink let the water down and then belch. It was a beautiful belch. Loud with satisfaction, like a man after he done eat daal and rice and curry.

Anyway, daz all for today. I planning a newsletter about Books.

I gone to do the laundry. Goodness knows what fanstastical things I gon find.

Have fun, stay safe, plenty love, neena. xx